Are you a working mother who feels you do not spend enough time on your child's development?

As mothers we tend to be hard on ourselves most of the time - our thoughts raging around how we could have spoken calmly to our child instead of raising our voice, how we could have remembered to dress him up for book day instead of letting the day slip by with him returning home teary eyed, how we could spend more time with our child instead of staying late at work.... The list of how we could be better mothers is endless and for working mothers the list is even longer accompanied with a constant chatter of guilt around less time with your child.

The grass is greener on the other side is an old adage that can aptly be used for the working mum versus the stay at home mum. Usually working mums feel that they are at a disadvantage because they have less number of hours with their child. Working mums can also be overcome with guilt for not doing enough.

Today's blog answers a problem by one such working mother who has written in sharing I feel I don't spend enough time to contribute to my child's development.

Please click on the photo below to watch the video and hear and hear how you can rid yourself of your guilt and take some positive steps to create more bonding with your child in the given time:

Resolving Parent-Teacher Conflicts

It's happened to all parents at one point or another, whether it be a negative written comment on an assignment, or a phone call or a conversation during PTA time. She'll say something that will hurt your feelings and that protective instinct kicks in and all you want to do is set the teacher straight. To me a complaint from the teacher is very stressful, and to complain about a teacher very difficult. It took me years to get a grip on how to handle the situation in a way that would actually help the child.

Tips on Motivating your child in Public Speaking

When I look at my kids I see the vastness of their individuality, which sometimes baffles me actually, given that they have the same genetic mish mash, more or less same environment and same physical and mental support systems. And yet they all have their strong and weak points.

In some families, talking itself starts late. I read somewhere that is a family trait thing, and I see this to be true in 4 of my 6 kids. What I also notice is that the two who spoke early are more verbal and appear to have a more confident outlook. That's not to say the quieter ones don't have their own virtues, some that greatly outshine the other siblings. The four kids started speaking well after the age of three and continue to struggle with complicated and long sentences.

In the beginning, I was worried that this may be some form of learning disability, but time proved that some kids just naturally pick up later than others and have their own developmental pace. But the fact that they hit all other major milestones on schedule further calmed my frayed nerves. It becomes distressful if other milestones are also greatly lacking, in which case it is best to get it checked out.

How to Keep your Cool when Teaching Kids (Your Kids)

I recently read a couple of comments where mothers were disturbed about the fact that they easily lose their composure whilst getting their young children to do their homework, prepare for a test or do an assignment. It is actually one of those times where our patience and composure is seriously put to the test. I started thinking about how I also feel that way sometimes. But over the course of many years and through a hot and trial method, I have learned some ways to make it better.

Social Media and our Kids

What is social media? Today I felt I should raise a concern that is manifest in all our minds, especially those of us with tweens and teenagers. There is no doubt that it is now the 'normal' we live in. Back in our day, we were lucky if we had a desktop to play pacman on, let alone our own mobiles with data packages. Whereas providing and enabling your child to access varying degrees of internet is a very personal decision, there are certain facts that we should all be aware of. There is no doubt that every tool of modern science can be beneficial to us but the sad truth is that it is also blatantly misused and abused and may cause damage that can lead to serious ramifications. I'll try to briefly sum these up keeping it to the point...

Insider Tips on doing English Exercises

As most of you know that I have a little bit of teaching experience for the primary level, and along the way, have picked up some tips and tricks that teachers employ in their classrooms to improve the kids' performance. In this little post I want to share some of those with you so that you can also guide your kids if you think that they are applicable to you. I have already done numerous posts on related topics to education, just search the labels for 'education' and you'll get more tips on improving reading, IQ, motivation etc. Now these may be familiar to a lot of you moms out there, but it never hurts to brush up and hone in on those skills. So here we go:

Makeup and Skin Care...When is Young too Young

Let's face it, it just isn't the same world it once was. Whether it be the media, both internet related (social media, bombardment of information) or glossy magazines, to bill boards to ads on seemingly harmless TV shows, every which way we look is your stereotypical stick thin image of young girls personifying what should be deemed as universal beauty. Often than not our young girls, and even boys fall prey to this type of negative branding. It's all about who looks the best. Whereas I am a firm believer of looking your very best, being a mother of a young teen daughter, it became an issue for me to think about what was best for my daughter in terms of when I should I allow her to use makeup or skin care. At that age, skin is already very delicate, but certain factors, which I will discuss below led me to a decision which both of us were finally comfortable with.

As a parent you might think, that once you have secured admission for your child in a reputed school you could put your feet up for the next thirteen years and at the end of that, out will come your child educated and wise to face college and life.

Unfortunately, many parents who have older children will warn you against any such complacent ideas – because a good school does not equal a good teacher, does not equal a child who will fare well.

Today a mother has written in complaining:

My child has got a terrible math’s teacher and will obviously fare badly, what can I do?

In my life coaching work with both children and parents I tend to argue this particular point on the basis of how we deal with poor leadership in our professional lives. How as a professional, you might be thrown into the deep end to put together a project or a presentation without any background information. What you rely upon to be successful is your sense of responsibility to complete the task and your resourcefulness to get the job despite the lack of information.

New Baby and Elder Sibling...How to Adjust

When you have your first child everything seems perfect. Your undivided attention falls on him and he is also happy and content. Then you receive the happy news of another baby on the way. At this point you start thinking about the dynamics of how another baby will effect your neat little equation that you have going on. The truth is though, as far as your elder child is concerned, you can't know how he will react. I know kids who transitioned into the change with no issues at all, and some kids that just go totally off the rails engaging in all types of negative behavior. The good news is you can do something about it.

How do I help my child who is finding it difficult to get accepted and make new friends in his new school?

When a child joins a new school there are a couple of challenges he or she might face, the toughest being acceptance by classmates and winning friends. And during the pre-teen and teen years this issue gets even more compounded as children tend to form groups based on certain parameters and it gets even tougher for a new student to gain acceptance into one of these closed peer circles.

With the start of the new academic year children moving into new schools or children arriving from other countries have to go through the slow and often challenging process of not only getting accustomed to a new school but also trying to ‘fit in’ and be accepted by their classmates and new friends.

And parents often witness the frustration and breakdown of their child’s self-confidence, sometimes leading to loss of grades and resistance to going to school.

So today’s question by a worried parent who asks:

How do I help my child who is finding it difficult to get accepted and make new friends in his new school?

1)   As children grow into their pre-teen and teen years they tend to grow their identity separate from their parents and family. The single largest influencing factor in the creation of this new identity is their peer group. As a Youth Coach, in my sessions with young children I have found out the labels and names of these peer groups are: ‘The Cool Group’ or ‘The Nerdy Group’ or “The Sporty Group’ and children then form those typical identities to become parts of those groups. So it might take your child some time to discover himself, which group he might best fit into, so give it some time.

2)   During this unsettling period, support and nurture your child as his self-confidence might get a little shaky. Help him to focus on his strengths so as to maintain his self-confidence.

3)   Discuss with your child the characteristics he is looking for in his friends. What kind of friends does he want to make? Sporty? Academics? Chatty?

      What are the characteristics he needs to develop, because to attract good friends, he needs to          be a good friend.

4)   For you to be able to expand your child’s group of friends you could become more active in the parental support group in school. In this way not only would you make more friends, you could also invite other parents children from different classes to your home. You could organize a bowling evening for some children from your child’s class so he has an opportunity to spend time with them outside school.

5)   Encourage your child to foster friendships outside the school through the sports club, music classes or playground.

6)   Role-play. Sit with your child and discuss what he is passionate about, whether it is about a sports personality, music, art, some facts, some fun thing, a new game, something unique that he can share with his classmates and new friends; so that they begin to notice him and want him to be part of their group.

Action: Sit with your child and let him role-play 2-3 things he can talk to his classmates about so as to pique their interest, and help him to break the ice and start new friendships.

Sunaina Vohra

Youth & Family Life Coach

Athena Life Coaching

www.athenalifecoaching.com

Youtube: Athena Life Coaching

FB: Athena Coaching Solutions

Ph: (+971)-56-1399033

How do I get my child to follow a routine without having to repeat myself?

Do you feel like a broken or stuck recorder? Repeating the same instructions day in and day out. As soon as a regular school routine sets in, it does bring parents lots of relief but it also means coping against time. Brush your teeth, do your homework, go to bed, wake up - as parents it feels like we are a stuck record!

Today's blog helps you to apply easy strategies to get your children to not only listen to you but also follow through on auto-pilot!

How do I get my child to follow a routine without repeating myself?

  

Today we will look at strategies in which you can communicate in a manner that your child understands and thereby follows the everyday routine without constantly being reminded by you.

  

1) Have a list of to-dos put up where your child can see it. If your child is too young then put up photos, visuals of the things you want him to do before going to school – like brushing teeth, combing hair, taking his lunch box etc. In the case of older children you can just put up reminder lists where they see them and follow through.

2) Before you start to say something to your child or give him instructions to follow, check whether you have his attention. Just the way when you are busy reading this email and someone calls for your attention, you are so rapt in reading this, that you miss out half the words. In the same way if your child is doing something, then check whether he is listening to you.

3) After you have got his attention, make eye contact and speak to him. And the best way to teach your child the skills of eye contact is when you model it for him. So when you are reading this and your child calls out, you need to stop looking at your computer or phone and turn and look at your child. This models to your child the importance of eye contact when speaking and listening to others.

 4) As a parent you are in a position of authority, however it is important to see his point of view. Is your child engrossed in his favourite activity, just the way you get absorbed by your favourite TV serial, that you blank out the rest of the world. Sometimes children are enjoying themselves watching their TV serial, reading a book or activity that they unconsciously block you out. So see your child’s point of view when giving him instructions.

 5) Seek your child’s cooperation by firstly asking him in a tone, which is warm, loving and firm. There is no need to give orders. Give your child a choice of time or activity asking him if he could do the required task immediately or prefer to do it after 15 minutes. That way you empower your child and make him feel responsible by gaining his cooperation. This also helps to inculcate decision-making skills by making choices.

6) KISS – keep your instructions and communication short and simple. On busy school days children are on limited time, and to make the most of what you want them to do make your communication simple and to the point.

Action: Together with your child put together a to-do list he needs to follow before school and after he comes back from school. When you do this together, he has a say in it and feels responsible for completing the tasks.

Sunaina Vohra                            Youth & Family Life Coach

Athena Life Coaching

www.athenalifecoaching.com

FB: Athena Coaching Solutions

sunainaathena@gmail.com

How to Increase Emotional Quotient in Kids

Every body is unique, with their own unique distinguishing personalities and children are no exception. And giving that the world can throw a curve ball at you in the form of stress, health issues, social issues and a host of other troublesome situations, having a child with a strong EQ or Emotional Quotient can be the deciding factor if he gets out of it with success or failure. I did a feature some time back on tips to increase IQ (click here), but EQ is no less important and in our endeavors to set kids up in one department, we often don't pay much attention to the other. Researchers are now confident that both are equally important for a good success story. What is EQ then? It is simply the ability to recognize one's own emotions as well as the emotions of others and respond to them in a healthy way. So here are a few tips to do just that:

How do I encourage my child who is confident in certain areas but lacks confidence in trying out new activities.

With the summer holidays being left behind and both children and parents getting into the school routine, everyone seems to be struggling a bit. Just the same way we struggle to move that cozy quilt off us to get out of bed and start a new day. That is a one-minute struggle, but there are other cozy comfortable areas we have that we find difficult to break through.

Our children, who are back to school, now face many decisions they need to make like which extra-curricular activities to pursue and which to give up. Children tend to want to pursue those activities that are familiar and they have developed some sort of expertise in, and avoid those activities that are challenging and completely new – outside their comfort zone.

Today’s blog answers a question by a mum:

My child is confident in certain areas but lacks confidence in trying out new activities.

We will look at strategies to help your child understand how he is allowing his comfort zone to take over and what you as a parent can do to help him break out of it and try new activities without apprehension.

Help your child understand:

    1) The imbalance in confidence levels he/she feels. Explain to your child the reason he is generally confident in some areas is because of the positive beliefs he has formed in those areas. But he has also formed some negative beliefs that are holding him/her back from trying the new activity.

    2) That what is holding him/her back is their comfort zone. That they have become comfortable in a particular activity, become used to it so much that anything new is challenging and daunting. And that they would rather avoid something new and stay in the ‘known’ activity that has become familiar and easy for them.

    3) That the negative beliefs they have formed have originated from various sources like – friends, family, media and the environment. And not necessarily something that is theirs. And it is within their power to understand, know and break through those negative beliefs.

    4) Encourage your child to be bold and to take risks. That it is ok to fail as long as they have tried something outside the norm. Give your child permission to fail and explain that failure is the stepping-stone to success. Encouraging your child to take risks and allowing him to fail will eventually create risk-takers who will become young leaders in their school and community.

    5) Encourage your child to DECLARE their dream!

Get your child to make a Vision Board that is a visual reminder of their goals and dreams, which should be put up on the wall where he can see it and connect with on a daily basis. Talk to your child about his dreams so that he continues to feel motivated and inspired to take action on a daily basis towards it.

Action: Help your child understand WHY they are lacking confidence in a particular area, what is the negative belief holding them back and to BREAK IT!

 

Sunaina Vohra                       
Youth & Family Life Coach

Athena Life Coaching

www.athenalifecoaching.com

FB: Athena Coaching Solutions
sunainaathena@gmail.com

How to prepare your child for the new "Back to School" academic year

Dear UAE Mums,

I am absolutely delighted and honored to be sharing my learnings with all you through this wonderful platform created by Hena. And I look forward to personally interacting with you at some point through this journey.

With the countdown to the schools starting we are bidding farewell to the long summer months of sleeping in late, family time, late nights, movies and holidays.

The traffic on the roads has increased; parents are rushing to the shops to organize uniforms, stationery and various things in preparation for children going back to school.

For some kids there is an air of excitement, for others anticipation if they are moving to a new school or new country and yet for others trepidation if the last year was dotted with some unpleasant experiences.

Today we will look at strategies on how to help your children put their best foot forward to start the new academic year on a more sure footing.

The first three strategies mentioned will help your child prepare 'physically for the new academic year'. 

      

1) Get your children into a routine with regard to their sleep and food patterns. Sleeping and waking up on time, eating healthy foods and at the right times.

2) Buying your children new school items like bags, stationery, shoes etc. so that they look forward to the new academic year with freshness.

3) Clearing their desks and the physical environment in which they will be doing their homework and projects.

Besides looking at their physical environment and needs it is also imperative to spend time clearing any 'mental' or 'emotional' baggage they might be carrying from the previous year. 

4) Clearing their minds of any negative situations and experiences in their past academic year by helping them focus on what they learnt from those experiences. If you child has not done as well academically, or a close friend has moved to another school or country or your child was bullied, it is important to sit with your child and change his perspective around that experience by focusing on what he learnt and how he would deal with it in the future.

5) Setting up new and positive belief systems by focusing their attention on things they did well in. Go through the past year and pick all the moments of success and focus your child's attention on their achievements and strengths. You can put up visual reminders, photos, pictures of their achievements so that it boosts their self-confidence for the coming new year.

6) Help your child set new goals on all areas of their life – from academic goals, sports, music to important life skills like building self-confidence, improving communication skills, how to deal with peer pressure, how to improve focus etc. Life skills are skills that will help them not only become resilient but also leaders in their class and community.

7) Talk to your child about the challenges that they might face while working towards their goals and the support they might need from you as parents, their teachers or coaches like tennis coach, golf coach or a life coach who helps to up level them to their next benchmark.

By putting the above strategies in place not only on the physical level but also ensuring that your child is mentally and emotionally ready to embark on a new school year will ensure that he has a successful year.

Wishing all UAE Mums and your children a fabulous NEW academic year! May our children succeed in their individual goals and together create a world of peace, love and harmony!

Sunaina Vohra

Youth & Family Coach

Athena Life Coaching

www.athenalifecoaching.com

How to talk Positively to Kids

We all know how encouragement is good for the kids, how we should be kind and respectful to them, how we should motivate them when they are down and provide unconditional support. These things are perhaps hard wired into our biological makeup. But I find that I am constantly faltering, even though the intent is always there to follow through on all the above and beyond.

Some pointers to inspire you:

Back to School Prep

Well time flew by pretty quickly, the kids had fun and now the time is fast approaching for normalcy to return to our mad mad lives. Let's face it though, the transition is a bit tough. Here are a few tips I have picked up along the way to make things easier and a learning experience:

Avoid Yelling at Kids and Yes, It can be Done

In my last post I admitted to yelling sometimes, and this is probably true for most parents but in order to avoid losing your temper or losing your patience with your child (which will just make you feel guilty anyways) it is better to have a calm conversation. These tips may help the next time you feel your blood pressure rising:

Confessions of an Over-Stressed Mom

I thought of doing something on a lighter note this week, and yet I think most mothers will be able to relate. I mean as mothers we are always trying to nurture our kids and balance out lives whether we are home makers or working moms. But we all have our little quirks....those little stolen bits of...dare I say selfishness? I mean are we not primarily human beings? Mommies have feelings too...we are not infallible are we? So without further ado, a few of my confessions:

Your Child Can be a Better Student- Here's How

Some kids just excel at their school work, they seemingly breeze by the tests getting great grades and don't even break a sweat. But some kids seem to be struggling along, and not getting the desired results, this leads to frustration and lack of motivation.

There are little bits and pieces you can do to help you child through this. I myself have implemented these things, and they do help in most cases.

Tips on Raising Well-mannered Kids

I've noticed this emerging pattern of kids that literally dictate their parents. I'm not judging anybody, everybody has his own bunch of unique circumstances, but it is no secret that spoiled children just make things difficult for us as parents in the long run. Whether it's the kid who throws a fit at the toy stand or the child who keeps breaking curfew, the end result is lack of trust and disrespect on both ends of the table.

It is a firm belief of mine that nipping the issue in the bud is a vital step in building well-mannered kids. I'm in no way implying my kids are perfect, they break the rules every now and then, they drive me mad all the time, it's just part of the package, but at the end of the day I'd like to think that my words meant something and that they shaped my child in a positive way. For example, my 6 year old twins and the youngest 2.5 year old get together and make so much noise. None of them are fond of i pads (wow right?) and are not keen at all on cartoons (do I hear another wow?) but they just love pretend playing and will use old and broken down toys and build their own little world. I can swear they actually see whatever the other is seeing in that time. But the result is a lot of sound, a lot! So one day my neighbor, whose wall we share came knocking, telling me that it was disturbing her. My initial reaction was obviously to protect my kids, I thought well lady, you sleep all day and stay awake all night whereas it is the opposite with my kids and so on an so forth. But as I took a step back and put myself in her shoes, then thought about the situation I had to accept that something could be done. Was it possible to quieten the children albeit slightly? Yes! So I started reminding them to be quieter, to take care because aunty was getting disturbed. A week has since passed, and I see the difference. Thank you aunty!

So some tips if it is your thing: