In my last post I admitted to yelling sometimes, and this is probably true for most parents but in order to avoid losing your temper or losing your patience with your child (which will just make you feel guilty anyways) it is better to have a calm conversation. These tips may help the next time you feel your blood pressure rising:
1. Set up the rules: Regarding a certain job/chore/expectation, make it clear what the rules are. Also realize that the rules should be age appropriate and fair and doable. It won't be fair to prevent your child from going out to play in a much anticipated cricket match or birthday party if he simply did not clean up his room.
2. Now discuss the consequences: In case the child does not follow through, the child should be made aware of what the consequences should be of not doing the task. And when the consequences are supposed to be enforced, do not bring up another topic. For example, if the child did not take out the trash when he was supposed to, then the consequence of that would be to give up his cell phone for an hour. But don't do anything that wasn't previously discussed since that is what your child will be expecting.
3. Enforce responsibility: Make sure the child understands the consequence by making him repeat or write it down. Then try not to give reminders, and if he falls short, you must follow through by asking the child himself to remember what the consequence for his mistake was.
4. Give respect and attention: Most kids just want your attention and just like you don't like to be offended, neither do kids and they go into defensive mode. If the situation is highly volatile just wait till things simmer down. Try not to give in to tantrums, make it clear that a tantrum or a whiny voice will not be listened to.
These tips really work but practicing them is difficult since we act in the moment mostly. But it can be done. This will definitely keep things cool and keep lines of communications open.
I do try but fall of the wagon a lot. But it's a step in the right direction. Please let me know about your views as well and what you do to avoid yelling and getting the kids to follow through.
Ohh that was really useful!! I have the habit of yelling at times!! I always noticed that this usually happens when am distracted with daily tasks like cleaning, cooking etc.Now Trying to work on my impatience!!!I feel if we involve kids in our daily activities to some extent it will save some shouts!!😊
ReplyDeleteI agree with you.
DeleteIts true Rahima..yelling will not take a parent n a child to any gud..patience should always be key in raising a child..I m also guilty..but now trying to have more patience and trying to solve issues by calm discussions..
ReplyDeleteVery well written (Y)
Best of luck to you...happy to hear it and thanks.
DeleteVery well writtten Rahima. ... yèlling is something we all parents r guilty of. Its kind of a quick fix- shout, scare n force ur child to listen but in the long run doesnt help either parents or children. I too am guilty...everytime I think to react calm I end up yelling...but working on that too... I try to make my son understand the logic n consequence n then give him a choice eg cleaning up his room... I tell him if he doesnt clean up daily. .its going to build up n take longer time which will affect his playtime and then give him a choice... this took some time n patience but now he cleans up without ny intervention from me...😊...
ReplyDeleteBeing consistent is key, and that is great methodology.
DeleteNice piece of writtin.. im already wrkin on it as a mom. I used to b v short tempered particularly abt kids ba now i feel it better to make thm understand in a calm mood rather den yelling on the spot. Furthermore, thx for sharing gud tips
ReplyDelete