When a child joins a new school there are a couple of
challenges he or she might face, the
toughest being acceptance by classmates and winning friends. And during the
pre-teen and teen years this issue gets even more compounded as children tend
to form groups based on certain parameters and it gets even tougher for a new
student to gain acceptance into one of these closed peer circles.
With the start of the new academic year children moving into
new schools or children arriving from other countries have to go through the
slow and often challenging process of not only getting accustomed to a new
school but also trying to ‘fit in’ and be accepted by their classmates and new
friends.
And parents often witness the frustration and breakdown of
their child’s self-confidence, sometimes leading to loss of grades and
resistance to going to school.
So today’s question by a worried parent who asks:
How do I help my
child who is finding it difficult to get accepted and make new friends in his
new school?
1)
As children grow into their pre-teen and
teen years they tend to grow their identity separate from their parents and
family. The single largest influencing factor in the creation of this new
identity is their peer group. As a
Youth Coach, in my sessions with young children I have found out the labels and
names of these peer groups are: ‘The Cool Group’ or ‘The Nerdy Group’ or “The
Sporty Group’ and children then form those typical identities to become parts
of those groups. So it might take your child some time to discover himself,
which group he might best fit into, so give
it some time.
2) During
this unsettling period, support and nurture your child as his self-confidence
might get a little shaky. Help him to focus
on his strengths so as to maintain
his self-confidence.
3) Discuss
with your child the characteristics he is looking for in his friends. What kind of friends does he want to
make? Sporty? Academics? Chatty?
What are the characteristics he
needs to develop, because to attract good friends, he needs to be a good
friend.
4) For
you to be able to expand your child’s group of friends you could become more active in the parental support group
in school. In this way not only would you make more friends, you could also
invite other parents children from different classes to your home. You could
organize a bowling evening for some children from your child’s class so he has
an opportunity to spend time with them outside school.
5) Encourage
your child to foster friendships outside
the school through the sports club, music classes or playground.
6) Role-play. Sit with your child and
discuss what he is passionate about, whether it is about a sports personality,
music, art, some facts, some fun thing, a new game, something unique that he
can share with his classmates and new friends; so that they begin to notice him
and want him to be part of their group.
Action: Sit with your
child and let him role-play 2-3 things he can talk to his classmates about so
as to pique their interest, and help him to break the ice and start new
friendships.
Sunaina
Vohra
Youth
& Family Life Coach
Athena
Life Coaching
Youtube:
Athena Life Coaching
FB:
Athena Coaching Solutions
Ph: (+971)-56-1399033
