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Announcement: Reached the 100th Post Mark

Congratulations to Hena Khan and her team on UAE mums and all the members on reaching the 100th post mark on this blog, by mums for the mums. A special thank you to the writers who devote their time and energy every week towards contributing their experiences and thoughts on a wide and diverse range of topics for our benefit.

One again...CONGRATULATIONS!!

Did Your Child Land a Good Teacher

It's no secret that we all want out kids to land good teachers, we all know the heart ache that goes with dealing with a teacher who is unprofessional and does not get along with our child. I'm sure we have all at some point dealt with such teachers and it is no easy task. Things begin to become apparent as soon as kids start school, especially in the primary section. And young kids need more nurturing than older children (even though a 'bad' teacher can really effect children of any age). I haven't met the teachers of my kids but you get a general idea by the attitude of the children and the work they bring home. Here is what I've come to learn about exemplary teachers:

How do I help my child who is finding it difficult to get accepted and make new friends in his new school?

When a child joins a new school there are a couple of challenges he or she might face, the toughest being acceptance by classmates and winning friends. And during the pre-teen and teen years this issue gets even more compounded as children tend to form groups based on certain parameters and it gets even tougher for a new student to gain acceptance into one of these closed peer circles.

With the start of the new academic year children moving into new schools or children arriving from other countries have to go through the slow and often challenging process of not only getting accustomed to a new school but also trying to ‘fit in’ and be accepted by their classmates and new friends.

And parents often witness the frustration and breakdown of their child’s self-confidence, sometimes leading to loss of grades and resistance to going to school.

So today’s question by a worried parent who asks:

How do I help my child who is finding it difficult to get accepted and make new friends in his new school?

1)   As children grow into their pre-teen and teen years they tend to grow their identity separate from their parents and family. The single largest influencing factor in the creation of this new identity is their peer group. As a Youth Coach, in my sessions with young children I have found out the labels and names of these peer groups are: ‘The Cool Group’ or ‘The Nerdy Group’ or “The Sporty Group’ and children then form those typical identities to become parts of those groups. So it might take your child some time to discover himself, which group he might best fit into, so give it some time.

2)   During this unsettling period, support and nurture your child as his self-confidence might get a little shaky. Help him to focus on his strengths so as to maintain his self-confidence.

3)   Discuss with your child the characteristics he is looking for in his friends. What kind of friends does he want to make? Sporty? Academics? Chatty?

      What are the characteristics he needs to develop, because to attract good friends, he needs to          be a good friend.

4)   For you to be able to expand your child’s group of friends you could become more active in the parental support group in school. In this way not only would you make more friends, you could also invite other parents children from different classes to your home. You could organize a bowling evening for some children from your child’s class so he has an opportunity to spend time with them outside school.

5)   Encourage your child to foster friendships outside the school through the sports club, music classes or playground.

6)   Role-play. Sit with your child and discuss what he is passionate about, whether it is about a sports personality, music, art, some facts, some fun thing, a new game, something unique that he can share with his classmates and new friends; so that they begin to notice him and want him to be part of their group.

Action: Sit with your child and let him role-play 2-3 things he can talk to his classmates about so as to pique their interest, and help him to break the ice and start new friendships.

Sunaina Vohra

Youth & Family Life Coach

Athena Life Coaching

www.athenalifecoaching.com

Youtube: Athena Life Coaching

FB: Athena Coaching Solutions

Ph: (+971)-56-1399033

How do I get my child to follow a routine without having to repeat myself?

Do you feel like a broken or stuck recorder? Repeating the same instructions day in and day out. As soon as a regular school routine sets in, it does bring parents lots of relief but it also means coping against time. Brush your teeth, do your homework, go to bed, wake up - as parents it feels like we are a stuck record!

Today's blog helps you to apply easy strategies to get your children to not only listen to you but also follow through on auto-pilot!

How do I get my child to follow a routine without repeating myself?

  

Today we will look at strategies in which you can communicate in a manner that your child understands and thereby follows the everyday routine without constantly being reminded by you.

  

1) Have a list of to-dos put up where your child can see it. If your child is too young then put up photos, visuals of the things you want him to do before going to school – like brushing teeth, combing hair, taking his lunch box etc. In the case of older children you can just put up reminder lists where they see them and follow through.

2) Before you start to say something to your child or give him instructions to follow, check whether you have his attention. Just the way when you are busy reading this email and someone calls for your attention, you are so rapt in reading this, that you miss out half the words. In the same way if your child is doing something, then check whether he is listening to you.

3) After you have got his attention, make eye contact and speak to him. And the best way to teach your child the skills of eye contact is when you model it for him. So when you are reading this and your child calls out, you need to stop looking at your computer or phone and turn and look at your child. This models to your child the importance of eye contact when speaking and listening to others.

 4) As a parent you are in a position of authority, however it is important to see his point of view. Is your child engrossed in his favourite activity, just the way you get absorbed by your favourite TV serial, that you blank out the rest of the world. Sometimes children are enjoying themselves watching their TV serial, reading a book or activity that they unconsciously block you out. So see your child’s point of view when giving him instructions.

 5) Seek your child’s cooperation by firstly asking him in a tone, which is warm, loving and firm. There is no need to give orders. Give your child a choice of time or activity asking him if he could do the required task immediately or prefer to do it after 15 minutes. That way you empower your child and make him feel responsible by gaining his cooperation. This also helps to inculcate decision-making skills by making choices.

6) KISS – keep your instructions and communication short and simple. On busy school days children are on limited time, and to make the most of what you want them to do make your communication simple and to the point.

Action: Together with your child put together a to-do list he needs to follow before school and after he comes back from school. When you do this together, he has a say in it and feels responsible for completing the tasks.

Sunaina Vohra                            Youth & Family Life Coach

Athena Life Coaching

www.athenalifecoaching.com

FB: Athena Coaching Solutions

sunainaathena@gmail.com

How to Increase Emotional Quotient in Kids

Every body is unique, with their own unique distinguishing personalities and children are no exception. And giving that the world can throw a curve ball at you in the form of stress, health issues, social issues and a host of other troublesome situations, having a child with a strong EQ or Emotional Quotient can be the deciding factor if he gets out of it with success or failure. I did a feature some time back on tips to increase IQ (click here), but EQ is no less important and in our endeavors to set kids up in one department, we often don't pay much attention to the other. Researchers are now confident that both are equally important for a good success story. What is EQ then? It is simply the ability to recognize one's own emotions as well as the emotions of others and respond to them in a healthy way. So here are a few tips to do just that:

How do I encourage my child who is confident in certain areas but lacks confidence in trying out new activities.

With the summer holidays being left behind and both children and parents getting into the school routine, everyone seems to be struggling a bit. Just the same way we struggle to move that cozy quilt off us to get out of bed and start a new day. That is a one-minute struggle, but there are other cozy comfortable areas we have that we find difficult to break through.

Our children, who are back to school, now face many decisions they need to make like which extra-curricular activities to pursue and which to give up. Children tend to want to pursue those activities that are familiar and they have developed some sort of expertise in, and avoid those activities that are challenging and completely new – outside their comfort zone.

Today’s blog answers a question by a mum:

My child is confident in certain areas but lacks confidence in trying out new activities.

We will look at strategies to help your child understand how he is allowing his comfort zone to take over and what you as a parent can do to help him break out of it and try new activities without apprehension.

Help your child understand:

    1) The imbalance in confidence levels he/she feels. Explain to your child the reason he is generally confident in some areas is because of the positive beliefs he has formed in those areas. But he has also formed some negative beliefs that are holding him/her back from trying the new activity.

    2) That what is holding him/her back is their comfort zone. That they have become comfortable in a particular activity, become used to it so much that anything new is challenging and daunting. And that they would rather avoid something new and stay in the ‘known’ activity that has become familiar and easy for them.

    3) That the negative beliefs they have formed have originated from various sources like – friends, family, media and the environment. And not necessarily something that is theirs. And it is within their power to understand, know and break through those negative beliefs.

    4) Encourage your child to be bold and to take risks. That it is ok to fail as long as they have tried something outside the norm. Give your child permission to fail and explain that failure is the stepping-stone to success. Encouraging your child to take risks and allowing him to fail will eventually create risk-takers who will become young leaders in their school and community.

    5) Encourage your child to DECLARE their dream!

Get your child to make a Vision Board that is a visual reminder of their goals and dreams, which should be put up on the wall where he can see it and connect with on a daily basis. Talk to your child about his dreams so that he continues to feel motivated and inspired to take action on a daily basis towards it.

Action: Help your child understand WHY they are lacking confidence in a particular area, what is the negative belief holding them back and to BREAK IT!

 

Sunaina Vohra                       
Youth & Family Life Coach

Athena Life Coaching

www.athenalifecoaching.com

FB: Athena Coaching Solutions
sunainaathena@gmail.com