In my last post I admitted to yelling sometimes, and this is probably true for most parents but in order to avoid losing your temper or losing your patience with your child (which will just make you feel guilty anyways) it is better to have a calm conversation. These tips may help the next time you feel your blood pressure rising:
1. Set up the rules: Regarding a certain job/chore/expectation, make it clear what the rules are. Also realize that the rules should be age appropriate and fair and doable. It won't be fair to prevent your child from going out to play in a much anticipated cricket match or birthday party if he simply did not clean up his room.
2. Now discuss the consequences: In case the child does not follow through, the child should be made aware of what the consequences should be of not doing the task. And when the consequences are supposed to be enforced, do not bring up another topic. For example, if the child did not take out the trash when he was supposed to, then the consequence of that would be to give up his cell phone for an hour. But don't do anything that wasn't previously discussed since that is what your child will be expecting.
3. Enforce responsibility: Make sure the child understands the consequence by making him repeat or write it down. Then try not to give reminders, and if he falls short, you must follow through by asking the child himself to remember what the consequence for his mistake was.
4. Give respect and attention: Most kids just want your attention and just like you don't like to be offended, neither do kids and they go into defensive mode. If the situation is highly volatile just wait till things simmer down. Try not to give in to tantrums, make it clear that a tantrum or a whiny voice will not be listened to.
These tips really work but practicing them is difficult since we act in the moment mostly. But it can be done. This will definitely keep things cool and keep lines of communications open.
I do try but fall of the wagon a lot. But it's a step in the right direction. Please let me know about your views as well and what you do to avoid yelling and getting the kids to follow through.